Shannondasuperstar’s Weblog

{November 10, 2008}   My Journey

I live a life for other people and I am so sick of that. I try to make others happy and really where is my happiness. Things are so getting so hard these days and my mind can not take it anymore. I am so sick of crying tears that seem to be worth nothing. Sometimes I just wish that I could be left alone to figure things out and make sense of everything. I am tired of wishing on things that never seem to happen and just make me go into a worse place in life. I am not here to leave life for others anymore and I know I am just saying it and I really have to show it. But the past things that have been happening to me I really think that I can make it happen this time. I showed love to so many people and they really showed it back but for the others that didn’t I am not letting you hurt me anymore it is just making me stronger. I am going to be that person that I am set up to be and nothing is going to hold me back. I mean really I am not gone try so hard to make you like me if you can’t take me for the real me. I am that person and I am not that story. I am the one that makes me whole and I tried to let other people make me like this. Life is yours to live, and really it has taken me this long to figure it out. I am not going to cry anymore for people that didn’t show that they cared about me and didn’t take me for me . I am so sick of hurting and being judged because I will never be perfect and I am not going to be that person that others want me to be. Yeah I have been here 20 years and I don’t really have anything to show for it. I don’t really have a lot of schooling at all but that is about to change because I am not going to let people get in between me and that. I want to really make a change in this world to make it better for at least one person so they don’t have to go through so much pain that I have gone through. Because life has a lot to offer for anyone. I let things get to me so bad that I was thinking about ending my own and I had a community there to show me the love and support that I needed and one thing that stuck out in my mind was there is really it is two different things it is wanting to die and it is wanting just to be happy and the thing that I wanted was to feel happy and yea that was the truth. I thought that ending everything would make it oh so better but really I would still be hurting if that makes sense. I still have a long life to live. Hurting is hard but I have to deal with hit I am at that healing stage that I want to be at.
I know that I am strong and one of my friends that i shall not put a name to said that I have a warrior heart yes I do friend and I want to thank you for saying that. Just sitting here thinking about everything I have to say that I can smile because shit like this is happening me out. I am not going to take it to heart anymore because maybe I need to go through them to get where I need to be. I am not worried about being judged about anything anymore my mask is gone an I am not going to pretend to be happy around you when I am really not. I always thought I had to be a better person but really I don’t I don’t have to please anyone but me. I am not happy with the person that I tried to me I am happy of the person that I am now. Changes come and some seem to hurt but always you can work it out and maybe it is for the best. I am not going back to living how I was before. So if you don’t like what I am saying I really don’t care because this is how I feel and if you are a friend you will understand this.

Life is a journey

That you have to come to follow

Living it to the fullest

And allowing yourself to be loved

Giving up the past

And only living for today

Let others judge because they always will

Just take one day at a time

And remember life is not nothing to miss♥


Manju says:

Hey, Shannon! Thanks for sharing this writing! Your reclamation of your life really lights a fire in me. Your warrior heart is so powerful.
I love you!

lex says:

This is so powerful Shannon. You DO have a warrior heart and I’m glad we’re fighting for the same loving, passionate world!

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